Have you heard about Rage Ritual Retreats?
+ What it’s like for a former female bodybuilder to lift weights after menopause
Meet Emily Wong, a MidstHer learning the power of saying no
Chicago • LinkedIn • Age 46
I’m a half-Chinese, quarter-German, quarter-Irish strategic communications director, avid reader, and yoga enthusiast living with my husband and our 12-year-old, one-eyed Shih Tzu in Chicago.
I’m in the midst of:
Figuring out what’s next! Growing up, there were black balloons and “over the hill” signs when my dad turned 40, and I remember thinking, “Wow, being in your forties must be terrible.” Well, guess what, it’s not at all!
This has actually been my favorite age decade so far. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life up to now: earning my MFA in poetry, careers in publishing/editing, higher education, and healthcare, and traveling to interesting places like Australia, Fiji, and Korea. But there’s so much more out there to experience! I’d like to try swimming, I’m curious about aerial yoga, I’d love to see the Grand Canyon — the list goes on.
What I most want for/from the community of women I surround myself with:
Friendship and support: being able to text my closest friends and ask for their advice or even ask if I can rant about something for a minute is invaluable, and I’m happy to have the tables turn and show up for them in the same way. And laughter!
Two of my closest friends and I try to get together once a month, and my favorite hangouts are when we meet at one of our houses in comfy pants and spend the evening talking and laughing (and watching bad reality TV shows that we make fun of).
The best thing about my current age, 46:
I feel more confident about who I am than I ever did in my twenties and thirties. What they say about giving fewer f#cks once you hit middle age is true. But for me, it definitely wasn’t overnight, and I’ve been fortunate to have the support of friends and family — and therapy!
The best thing I’ve done for myself in this stage of life:
Learning how to set boundaries. It sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it’s something I think many people, women in particular, struggle with. Stopping to consider what you really want, what you really need, and then deciding to say no is very powerful.
What’s next?
I read an article on Anne Helen Petersen’s Culture Study Substack about this idea of women entering a “portal” of sorts when you get into middle age. A Jungian psychotherapist she interviews says, “The portal might be seen as the work of people who have participated in everything society expected of them on one level or another, and are finding themselves wanting more out of life — and want to find more purpose in life as change makers.’”
This really resonated with me — it put into words how I’ve been feeling when I wasn’t even sure myself. So, I haven’t quite figured out what exactly is next (as mentioned in the “I’m in the midst of” section), but I do want to find more purpose in my life and make a difference outside of my own little sphere.
Hey GAL! We’d love to introduce you to The Midst community. When you upgrade your subscription to “Founding MidstHer” here on The Midst Substack, Tiffany (our Head of Community) will reach out to you with questions to answer.
What it’s like for a former female bodybuilder to lift weights after menopause
By Dixie Laite
It snuck up on me, like a rainstorm in a cloudless sky. There was always the anticipation, the array of prospects and possibilities you have when packing for a trip. There’s the excitement that comes from both solid planning and those unrealistic hopes you know serendipity might bring. You pack accordingly — sensible shoes and an impractical gown. One day comes the realization that not only have you been on that trip all along, you’re actually on your way home.
I always thought I could plan for things, do whatever I set out to do, work my way up to or talk myself into just about anything. There was always the presumption that if I applied myself I could master it, a certainty that discipline and knowledge could lead to me from point A to point B. When I’m asleep, in my dreams I’m the same me I’ve always been, a sort of ageless girl-woman where both my knees and flirting work. Then I wake up into a body that can no longer bound upstairs or elicit many stares. In dreams no plot is too outrageous, but in my waking life too many scenarios are just plain senseless. Now when I wake up, my legs and back hurt, neither my brain nor my metabolism works anymore. I need to respect the fact that I can’t do what I used to and, despite what any self-help guru might say, possibilities are not limitless.
How to accept your older body’s limits
Now, I can’t run 40+ miles a week. Now, I can’t run at all. All those years of pounding, those thousands of miles, they took their toll. My knees are shot, the discs in my lower back compressed. At first, I was devastated. Angry and depressed. Running — being a runner — was a big part of who I was. For a long time I just sulked. When I saw someone running I’d sometimes actually look away, it hurt so much. Then I put on my big girl panties. (And not just because not running made me go up a size or three.) I stopped sulking and started walking. OK, I couldn’t run but I could walk.
I began walking six miles a day, traveling that same loop around the park I’d run for years. I may not have felt or looked like the athlete I was, but I still got out and moved. One foot in front of the other, in all kinds of weather. Like before, I enjoyed the seasons changing, listening to music. I made a commitment to walk at least 10,000 steps a day.
When I moved last year, I loved exploring my new neighborhood. No more Central Park but now on my daily walks I see the Statue of Liberty, the South Street Seaport, the World Trade Center, the East River and the Hudson River. On any given day I might walk the streets of Chinatown, Little Italy, Greenwich Village, Soho, Tribeca, Chelsea.
From our friends at FlowSpace
Perimenopausal rage: Women aim to stomp out hormonal anger at Rage Ritual Retreats
Who can forget experiencing raging hormones as a teenager? A broken pen was just cause for a total meltdown; a B on a homework assignment made you sob uncontrollably. It was a rollercoaster of highs and lows, combined with acne, confusion and anger.
A few decades later, and now perimenopausal women are breaking down in the cereal aisles of grocery stores across the globe, seeing red all over again.
But while hormones are back at the helm, most women are woefully underprepared for the changes our minds and bodies undergo during this phase of life.
With all this pent-up anger and nowhere to feel our feelings, women are experimenting with a new trend, perimenopausal rage rituals, as a way to unleash their fury in safe and supportive environments. But do these activities work, and if so, do they have staying power?
Awareness, education and support for women in perimenopause and menopause are slowly gaining momentum, in large part due to people sharing their experiences on social media and female celebrities’ involvement in the movement. More women are learning what type of care is available and how to access it, but for some, treatments such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT), anti-depressants and lifestyle changes alone don’t address the intense feelings of anger and irritability that occur when estrogen and progesterone levels begin to decline.
Denise Paleothodoros is a marketing and PR consultant who pivoted her career in 2019 to raise awareness of menopause. She personally experienced an expensive ride on a “medical merry-go-round” to uncover a perimenopause diagnosis for her life-disrupting symptoms of heart palpitations, memory loss, newfound anxiety, and hot flashes.
As part of our “I Knew I Was in Peri When” video series on Instagram, she shares her cautionary tale from her time living in the 21st century’s ‘menopause silent era’ so it will never be your experience.
How about you? When did you know you were in peri?
Such a great post! Am super interested in the rage retreats especially as we saw so many women phoning the NY Times' Primal Scream hotline during the pandemic--over 20k calls--I believe. But the link to the Fortune piece seems to be broken? It seems USA today also covered the topic--though probably not as rigorously: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/05/08/rage-rituals-women-screaming-woods-why/73595511007/