7 stories about the real deal of momhood, trying to get there, and skipping it altogether
The good, the bad, the messy, and the joys in and around parenthood.
1. The liberating power of solo travel and “microfreedoms”
By Liz Jones Dilworth
As a mother, wife, daughter, friend, and owner of a business with 30 employees, the majority of my time is spent thinking about and serving others’ needs. I like that about my life; I like that there’s a big variety of people to love in different ways. What’s frustrating is how difficult I find understanding my own desires. (And communicating them, if I know what they are, is a whole other challenge.) Even when I was alone for a few days, a strong internal voice kept telling me what I should be doing to justify the extravagance of time on my own.
For me, embracing microfreedoms also meant finally understanding that I needed a break from obligations and feeling pulled between the competing shoulds in my head — between work and sleep, or my children and my parents. More than anything else, I wanted the should voice to take a break.
2. Ophira Eisenberg on winning drinking contests, punching guys, and why Parenting is No Joke
By Dixie Laite
“Nothing underlines the word instability like working a freelance entertainment job and trying to provide for a kid. Most comics want their kid to do something they love, but they pray that comes with a steady salary and great benefits.
… I spent most of my life talking on- and offstage about the fact that I would NEVER have a child. I talked loudly about the fact that I hated kids — and trust me, I did! But then for various reasons and decisions, I changed my mind. And now I realize you have to have kids to know what it is to hate kids! A joke, of course, but also true.” — Ophira Eisenberg
3. I learned how to do inner child work for my own anxiety — and ended up helping my actual kids
By Olga Rosales Salinas
When I talked to my therapist about the stack of incident reports that I had found, he didn’t commiserate with me. He didn’t affirm my meltdown of tears and anger. Instead, he asked me why I was triggered. What was it about the language those teachers used with my toddler that reminded me of my own experience in school?
My answer to him was everything. I had teachers who expected me to perform at math, English, and history levels that I wasn’t prepared for. I needed a tutor and didn’t know how to ask for one. Seeing these reports reminded me how little my parents understood about what I was experiencing; likewise, I had no idea why Jameson’s behavior seemed so out of line in a room full of kids who were his age.
4. Why this 41-year-old went off The Pill two decades after deciding she never wanted kids
By Bonnie Ho
As a teenager of the ’90s, I was the queen of cynical. This was the era of grunge and emo. Flannel shirts, Beavis and Butthead, and everything sucks! My friends nicknamed me Daria for my most excellent deadpan sarcastic remarks. So, of course I didn’t want to have kids. My attitude was that everyone sucks, the world sucks, and so why bring children into this sucky world? Looking back, I had a bad attitude and even as crazy as the world is nowadays, my 18-year-old self’s worldview was pretty f’d up. Decisions made at 18 really need re-evaluation.
5. Empty nester: who will I be without dependent children?
By Claire HM
I was a mom early in my own adulthood — at 20 and then again at 25. I had no career path before I became a parent. I’d dropped out of studying literature at university in the first term. I had notions I wanted to be a poet and a novelist, without much of a clue about that process, but was pretty sure that developing my capacity to analyze and appreciate good literature wasn’t straying far.
In that first year of motherhood I wanted to show that my life options hadn’t been quashed (this was 1996), and I picked up the literature studies again, finally gaining a degree in English Language and Literature from a local university at 24. It was then that my husband and I opted against a large age gap between our son and any sibling to be, and decided to have another baby. Looking back, I see that this was the first time there was an element of hiding behind my caregiving life to avoid developing my individual ambition.
6. 10 of the funniest quotes about motherhood, parenting, and raising kids
7. Late bloomer: starting a career, creative passion, and parenting in my 40s
By Tina Rodia
At 38, we moved to Philadelphia. One week after moving into our new apartment, I got pregnant. It was a shock — my husband and I were both unemployed, leaving our retail gigs in San Francisco with some combined savings but no connections in Philly. I don’t believe in destiny or fate, and don’t feel a pull toward anything spiritual or preordained, but moving to Philly, getting pregnant, and having my daughter were such positive turning points — such sharp turns toward fulfillment and the peace I was searching for for so long. Not that it wasn’t a struggle, but it felt right, and was truly joyous. I gave birth just before I turned 40.
Happy Almost Mother’s Day!
xo,
Amy Cuevas Schroeder and The Midst GALs
P.S. Got a story you’d like to share with other women in The Midst of midlife? Email us at feedback@the-midst.com.