YES! Finally someone explains why we just can’t keep pretending. Aging out of f#cks isn’t being difficult— it’s called getting real 😂💪 Love seeing the science behind it!
Yesssss this! Love to read the science behind my total lack of f*cks 😂 This was a great piece. Jokes aside, it's nice to not feel alone in the way your personality shifts at midlife. Thanks for putting this together!
This is soooooo good. I just DGAF about so many things anymore. I love how Ellen explains how we're taught to read the room and smooth the way for others. I'm just not into that so much anymore, especially for people who take advantage.
Wow, I've felt this SO much in my marriage and as a mother in these last few years - and was surprised when my friend relayed the exact same feelings to me. All these years of being everything to everyone while 'performing appropriately' has taken its toll. And we're done.
I agree 1000 % and this message needs to be shouted off the roof tops and said loud and clear over and over. The only point I believe may be missing here are the true life consequences - because more often than not ‘The woman who can (finally) say “that’s not accurate”without apologizing’ can face unprecedented backlash, gaslighting, institutional harassment, upward bullying, mobbing, false accusations, and dreadful career impacts at an age where it becomes particularly dangerous - you can break that glass ceiling, lead and speak out but unfortunately you can also be pushed right back down. This is a real problem which I have seen time and time again. Some can afford to leave, walk away and stand their grounds but others really can’t. Thoughts are welcome.
I remember the first time I spoke up about something in the workplace., without my usual filtering and pondering whether or not I should say it. I just said it. So easy! It just took a short, deliberate cruise off my tongue and there it was! I was elated! And I honestly had none of the usual anxiety about speaking up and speaking out. I was finally free :)
but seriously — the reframe here is everything. we've been told that losing patience, stopping the performance, refusing to manage everyone else's comfort is "becoming difficult." turns out it might just be your brain finally doing overdue maintenance.
i work in consulting, which is basically a masterclass in social choreography. reading the room. calibrating tone. anticipating reactions before they happen. and lately i've noticed the exhaustion isn't from the work itself — it's from the constant translation. the gap between what i think and what i say out loud.
what struck me most: decades of "don't be bossy" (don't lead), "don't be pushy" (don't have boundaries), "don't be emotional" (don't be human). no wonder the system eventually short-circuits.
i don't think i am fully "there" yet, but i'm curious — for those who've crossed into the unfuckening, does it feel like loss or relief? or somehow both?
💗💗💗
YES! Finally someone explains why we just can’t keep pretending. Aging out of f#cks isn’t being difficult— it’s called getting real 😂💪 Love seeing the science behind it!
We agree!
Oh wow, this hits so close to home.
Same here
Yesssss this! Love to read the science behind my total lack of f*cks 😂 This was a great piece. Jokes aside, it's nice to not feel alone in the way your personality shifts at midlife. Thanks for putting this together!
hahaha. I'm glad you're here with us, Shelly. :) Amy Cuevas Schroeder
This is soooooo good. I just DGAF about so many things anymore. I love how Ellen explains how we're taught to read the room and smooth the way for others. I'm just not into that so much anymore, especially for people who take advantage.
DGAFing with you!
Yayy! Who else is part of the Great Unfuckening club?! ✨
Yeah, let's start a club!
Me!
Thank you so much. I feel so much better about all my F u moments and wtf moments and idgaf moments 🙌
:)
Oh I commented on this one!
This.Is.So.True.
Wow, I've felt this SO much in my marriage and as a mother in these last few years - and was surprised when my friend relayed the exact same feelings to me. All these years of being everything to everyone while 'performing appropriately' has taken its toll. And we're done.
After reading this, now I feel free to say what I REALLY think without regret.
I agree 1000 % and this message needs to be shouted off the roof tops and said loud and clear over and over. The only point I believe may be missing here are the true life consequences - because more often than not ‘The woman who can (finally) say “that’s not accurate”without apologizing’ can face unprecedented backlash, gaslighting, institutional harassment, upward bullying, mobbing, false accusations, and dreadful career impacts at an age where it becomes particularly dangerous - you can break that glass ceiling, lead and speak out but unfortunately you can also be pushed right back down. This is a real problem which I have seen time and time again. Some can afford to leave, walk away and stand their grounds but others really can’t. Thoughts are welcome.
Thank you for this!
I remember the first time I spoke up about something in the workplace., without my usual filtering and pondering whether or not I should say it. I just said it. So easy! It just took a short, deliberate cruise off my tongue and there it was! I was elated! And I honestly had none of the usual anxiety about speaking up and speaking out. I was finally free :)
High five!!
Great post, thanks for sharing! I’ve been in that stage for quite a few years so decided to immerse myself in my passions, psychotherapy and writing.
Good for you, Harriett!
"the great unfuckening."
i'm stealing this. it's mine now. haha.
but seriously — the reframe here is everything. we've been told that losing patience, stopping the performance, refusing to manage everyone else's comfort is "becoming difficult." turns out it might just be your brain finally doing overdue maintenance.
i work in consulting, which is basically a masterclass in social choreography. reading the room. calibrating tone. anticipating reactions before they happen. and lately i've noticed the exhaustion isn't from the work itself — it's from the constant translation. the gap between what i think and what i say out loud.
what struck me most: decades of "don't be bossy" (don't lead), "don't be pushy" (don't have boundaries), "don't be emotional" (don't be human). no wonder the system eventually short-circuits.
i don't think i am fully "there" yet, but i'm curious — for those who've crossed into the unfuckening, does it feel like loss or relief? or somehow both?
Right? So good.