An inside (and raw) look at body dysmorphic disorder
"Basically, I think I look like Robert De Niro.” — Shaina Feinberg
When the mirror is the enemy
An inside (and raw) look at body dysmorphic disorder
Research published in the Psychological Bulletin in 2018 revealed that our self-esteem peaks at around age 60. But what happens if we never learn to love ourselves because we see flaws that only exist in our brains and not in reality?
Sadly, that’s the case for up to 3% of the population who struggle with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). According to the Cleveland Clinic, BDD disrupts how you perceive your body and features.
Trapped inside your head
According to Robyn Stern, a cognitive behavioral therapist and BDD expert, grappling with this condition is more than just having poor body image. When you have BDD, you’re essentially seeing flaws that aren’t there.
Stern is intimately familiar with these struggles, as someone who’s sought treatment for BDD. Now in recovery, she says that BDD is largely misunderstood in the clinical community and that’s to the detriment of patients and their support systems. There’s a tendency for mental health providers to conflate BDD with an eating disorder — but that’s not accurate and has done a lot of damage to patients in her estimation.
Stern says the disorder must impact their level of functioning to meet the clinical guidelines for BDD: They often have poor insight. They often experience and/or display symptoms related to anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. And at worst, their thoughts and actions are self-destructive. (According to Stern, 25% of people with BDD attempt suicide, and 80% experience suicide ideation.)
“It really hurts me to the core because [it feels like they’re] minimizing everything — every relapse, every fall, every medical leave, everything I’ve ever been through,” she says. “And you’re making it harder for my clients to come forward and feel like they have [an accurate diagnosis].”
Cue: TLC’S “Unpretty”
Stern was able to get a formal diagnosis in the early 2000s and feels privileged to have had the resources to get help. However, the fact she was self-described as “high-functioning” worked against her sometimes in therapy settings. Though Stern seemed like she was managing her life well, that didn’t mean the internal pain and deep wounds weren’t there.
Her skin was a major source of anguish, and the preoccupation robbed her of joy and opportunities in her 20s.
“I went out with friends, I socialized, but I had this internal dialog of always feeling ugly, disgusting, unworthy, and unlovable,” Stern says. “Before the diagnosis, I was more aware of not wanting to go out in bright lights. I wanted to go out more in the evening, when I felt like my skin wasn’t as amplified.”
Upon receiving the diagnosis, she started to work with a provider versed in an evidence-based therapy known as CBT/ERP, which is similar to OCD treatment. This was a turning point, as she began to put herself in situations and challenge what she refers to as a “faulty way of thinking.”
When negative thoughts live rent-free in your head
Dr. Maria Rago, an Illinois-based clinical director, encounters clients like Stern in her practice. Their obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors associated with BDD interfere with their quality of life.
For example, a woman might come to her with an intense stigma or sense of shame about a perceived imperfection with an ear — so much so that she might be terrified to …
The full version of this article was originally published here on the-midst.com.
Meet our friend Shaina Feinberg, who created a film about her experience with body dysmorphia:
From The New York Times, February 14, 2023
A brief history of hating my face
Shaina Feinberg feels horrible about how she looks. This anguish has consumed an incalculable amount of her life. She classifies her self-loathing as body dysmorphic disorder, a condition in which people fixate on perceived flaws in their appearance, causing significant emotional distress.
It’s an odd admission, she confesses, because she’s a filmmaker who, for two decades, has been making films featuring herself.
In the Opinion video above, Ms. Feinberg makes her condition public and examines it with remarkable honesty and a wry touch.
“Having B.D.D. has really defined my time on this planet, but I don’t like talking about it,” she says in the film. “So when I do, I keep it light. I tell people, ‘Basically, I think I look like Robert De Niro.’”
Throwback from The Midst archives
Shaina Feinberg on how to create your own big break
If you’re a New York Times reader, you might know “Scratch,” the column about money and the people who deal with it, by Shaina Feinberg and illustrator Julia Rothman. The column is equal parts fanzine, “investigative” journalism, and raw, often hilarious glimpses of topics that you probably can’t find anywhere else.
“Scratch” subjects range from speed-dating during the pandemic to the tricky business of moving giraffes to “the price of 46 random liquids by the gallon — just because.” In Feinberg’s New York, everything and everyone has a story that should probably be told.
As individuals and as a creative dream team, Feinberg and Rothman don’t show signs of slowing down anytime soon. In addition to “Scratch,” they recently created a book with a similar vibe: Every Body: An Honest and Open Look at Sex from Every Angle. Every Body is a curiously curated collection of awkward, heartfelt, and humorous stories, artwork, and expert tell-alls about bodies and sex — because, why not? The book is the result of the fearless Feinberg asking New Yorkers questions like “When did you lose your virginity?” “What fetish do you want to try?” and “Got a sex story? Tell us about it.”
Happy 66th Birthday to this ultimate Grown-A$$ Lady (GAL), @Madonna! She will always be a trailblazer who shows up in the world as unapologetically herself — no matter what age.
Let’s talk about more Grown-Ass Lady stuff here…
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