Dear Dixie: My husband is fine with me doing a threesome without him — but am I OK with it?

By Dixie Laite, Dear Dixie advice columnist

Dear Dixie,

I’m 46, married, a mom of two, and a busy career woman. I've been married to my husband for 20+ years, and our intimate life has been going downhill for several years (he’s almost asexual now). I still have my needs, which are even stronger than before!

Due to his lack of interest in sex, we agreed a few years ago that I may selectively seek pleasures outside of the marriage, as long as it doesn't affect our family dynamics and I keep it 100% discreet. 

He was fine with the “don't ask, don't tell” policy. However, after two brief intimate dates with men (both during my work travels), I found that was too risky. Instead, I preferred “no-strings-attached” relationships with women who were also seeking discreet relationships to enjoy lesbian sex. I was fortunate to meet some amazing women in the last few years (who were also married and wanted to keep things discreet) and enjoyed those beautiful moments with them thoroughly ;). 

Because of the “don't ask, don't tell” policy I have with hubs, I didn't feel the need to share any of this with him. I may have mentioned some in passing casually, but he never wanted to know the details. I was also managing these relationships well despite being a busy career mom, and it didn't impact our family dynamics in any way. 

But now I’m dealing with a new situation where the woman I’m seeing would like to open our relationship with her husband and possibly include him. I never had to deal with a similar situation before because the women I’ve dated were fine with keeping things discreet from their husbands.

The woman I'm seeing now is 28 and has a 7-year-old son, but I’m concerned that including a third person may change the dynamics and I may not be able to have the same control and discreetness I maintained so perfectly over these years. 

Can you please share your thoughts? Thanks a million!

Madison xo