How to fake it French + why childless cougars invite more d*ck
PLUS: Two Midst events you need to Sharpie in!
BeWell | The Midst beauty, style & wellness newsletter
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Do you hear the roar?
Kamala for president. Simone for the gold. It’s happening, GALs, and black women are representing. From cat ladies to cougars, take a moment to take it all in — see Anne’s faux French fun, below — and then slap back, like Kerry’s commentary on childless cougars. Let’s take our (purrs to) roars to resolution and join this historic momentum of our rising resonation.
Wish you were in Paris? Fake it with French-inspired self-care
By Anne Holub
Does all that Olympics coverage give you France FOMO? Here’s how you can have a little Parisian escape at home with a little me-time.
Get relaxed with breakfast al fresco
You can’t get to an outdoor Parisian café for a coffee and croissant, but you can recreate the experience at home. Dial in the ooh la la with a few cafe classics:
Start with a small table and chair outside — a cool spot in the morning on your porch or patio (or even out in a park!) sets the scene al fresco.
Serve yourself (or order from your local coffee shop) a cup of your favorite coffee. But instead of drinking it on the fly while you head off on errands, slowly sip and savor that beverage. Don’t slurp it down, but instead enjoy it as an accompaniment to your morning.
Take a bite of a delicious pastry, like a croissant or even a simple muffin or scone. But don’t worry about eating it as you juggle your phone, keys, and work computer. Instead, take your time and enjoy the view. Do some people (or bird) watching and enjoy a slow start to your day.
Say oui to your day with style
There’s nothing more French than wearing a stylish outfit. (One of my fave Instagram accounts, @messynessychic, showcases Parisians on the street from ‘grammer Nessy’s balcony and I love it. It’s just clips of everyday folks just going about their day with impeccable style.) You don’t have to go full-on couture to have that French feeling, however. You can get stylish with a few simple tweaks to your standard “whatever is nearby” wardrobe.
Go for the French classics, like a horizontal striped shirt, a la the famous French navy Breton shirt. You see these everywhere once you know what to look for. Typically featuring a wide boat neck and ¾ sleeves, they’re usually white with dark blue stripes. They’re also comfortable and just add a real polished note to a simple pair of slacks, jeans, or even some khaki shorts.
Try a scarf! Yes, even in the summer, you can find a cute neck scarf on a lot of Parisians (or many Europeans, for that matter). In the summer, you find them in lighter fabrics than in colder months, like silk, but you can turn a simple shift dress into something special with just a few cute knots of a scarf around the neck.
Grab something bold! It’s called fashion, darling. Grab that I’ll-wear-this-one-day piece out of your closet and take it for a spin. Try the bright colors, the wild patterns, and even the one designer piece you’ve been saving for a special occasion that hasn’t occurred yet. Want inspiration? Try paging through Vogue — or better yet, French Vogue.
Bring Paris to you with a film festival
If you can’t get to Paris, dive into a full immersive experience with a French film fest at home. It’s easy when Hollywood has been in love with France since the cinema was born. Try one of these movies that you can easily stream or rent à présent.
Les Triplettes de Belleville (2004): This Oscar-nominated animated feature is perfect when you want to feel like an Olympian. It has little dialogue but follows a cyclist in his training regimen, a kidnapping, a musical group, and a dramatic rescue.
An American in Paris (1951): A six-time Oscar-winning musical and eye candy all rolled into one, it features starving artist Gene Kelly and his adventures as a painter in Paris. Lots of singing and dancing ensue.
Funny Face (1957): Another great musical, but this time with Fred Astaire as a fashion photographer and Audrey Hepburn as a “shy, mousy librarian” whom he “discovers.” The classic makeover story of a girl who was ugly because she wore cardigans and glasses, but with so much French love.
National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985): OK, we need a laugh, and this Chevy Chase classic follows the family around Europe, including a stop in Paris. Great for when you want to make fun of hapless American tourists.
Sabrina: Either version will do, the 1954 original with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart, or the 1995 remake with Julia Ormond and Harrison Ford, are both great and show how fabulous Paris is.
Amelie (2001): Classic Manic Pixie Dream Girl story here, but with a French twist. Amelie has a vivid imagination, but when she meets another kindred soul, she has to break out of her dream world to find someone to share Paris with.
Qu'est-ce que tu penses? What about you? What is your favorite way to feel the love and certain "je ne sais quoi” of Paris life? Comment below!
Get your party shoes out (slippers included)
We have not one, but TWO big events coming up, GALs!
August 16: More Than Hot Flashes: Demystifying Menopause with The Midst
Join our ask-me-anything virtual event on Friday, August 16, where our expert panel of doctors and community members will share everything tan hour can provide on perimenopause and menopause. FREE with limited availability — priority to The Midst Substack subscribers.
October 19: F#ck Middle Age: A Day in The Midst
Meet us at our live event in Chicago on Saturday, October 19, to learn all about what the f#ck is going on with our bodies during peri/menopause, how to navigate midlife careers and reinvention, and real talk on beauty and wellness. Our “early birdie” rate is available for 16 more days — don’t miss out!
Why childless cougars are misconstrued as whores
When a married guy in the workplace asked me if I had kids, I said no, passing it off as conversation. But he had other ideas …
Kamala Harris’ childless slut shaming by Republican vice-presidential frontrunner, J.D. Vance, has received a whirlwind response. This includes rebuttals by A-listers like Jennifer Aniston with added Swiftie fans’ rebukes on childlessness and “cat ladies.” But perhaps all this stature, even her own, is a saving grace in utter humiliation.
But people in the real world don't always have status to back them up. Surprisingly, even some women get rhetorical — and not always those with families.
The guy who got it all wrong
When I became the object of sexual grooming, I belatedly realized what was happening. He wasn't asking out of innocent interaction. He was formulating the idea of me as a cold, childless cougar whore for potential infidelity.
Sure, his reasons had something to do with lax workplace culture, where he acted with impunity and egregious inappropriateness. That was in full view of a female-centric department. I was also new and didn't know anyone, so I wasn't afforded much protection. But the promiscuous vixen perception had already been conjured — just like so many others.
I don't want kids dragged into my world of self-focus
I dig the cougar thing. A sexually open woman who knows what she wants is what society's strived for. But in Australia, where larrikinism or irreverence persists, albeit perhaps mythologized, some people poke fun — while some men just get sleazy.
People make assumptions about childless older women when the reasons are generally unavoidable or responsible. People don't stop to think of the emotions of not being able to conceive, or that it might have recently happened. It's also no one's business.
My reasons for voluntarily deciding not to have children are just as harrowing. It's because of my career — albeit one that never quite came to fruition. Embarrassingly, revealing my career trajectory makes me look like a failure for reasons largely out of my control. But no matter the explanation, I now seem like an unstable victim of my circumstances, and I'm ambitiously trying to atone for it in later life.
I still go clucky around kids with a caring disposition. I love animals and am empathetic by nature. Yet, both my husband and I are offspring of dramatic and devastating family dynamics — and we’re afraid of recycling them.
Moms cheat, too
The correlation between childlessness and cheating is negated by research: women who have children are just as likely to commit infidelity. In fact, with parenting stress and relationship dynamics that can wane, it's said to be more likely — and some of the messaging is just bleak:
“It’s a break from the kids: Why parents cheat more than childless couples,” headlines one New York Times post.
“Want to save your marriage? Don't have kids,” chimes a Guardian article.
The Conversation said that “childless women … have long played key roles in the Catholic Church,” negating the whole whore idea even further.
With much media in our corner, the no-sayers won’t get us down. Beyond the above, J.D. Vance’s comments have spurred an onset of paraphernalia and reactions, where pet-loving ladies across the U.S. take on the theme. For example, the original “Pet Lovers for Kamala” have now become “Cat Ladies for Kamala,” just to snap back at Vance’s idiocracy. Maybe the cat ladies and cougars will help Harris’s presidency. Maybe Harris’s presidency will help halt the “childless” falsehoods.
And maybe the next time anyone asks about my reproductive status, empathy and understanding will translate that child-free doesn't mean child-hate — nor that am I an opportunistic hussy waiting in the shadows simply because I'm sexually literate.
Thanks for reading BeWell!
X, Lauria, Head of Content
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