"I Sally Hansen my mustache every 6 weeks"
+ Meet Anne Marie McQueen of Hotflash Inc.
The body hair secret I discovered in my 40s
In this age of body positivity and self-care, is hair removal for Gen X women a conscientious choice or another female obligation we've accepted?
BY LARA LEVITAN
“You could always wax them.”
This was the response given by two of my 40-something friends after I complained, recently over drinks, about how much I’ve always hated shaving my pits. The hatred stems from the obvious pitfalls (pun intended) of shaving. There’s the physical discomfort — the yanking of the skin, the endless knicks, the sting of deodorant as I inevitably apply it too soon — along with the frustration of never getting a close shave. Their best is a five o’clock shadow, and unlike George Clooney, they will not wink and smile back.
So, upon hearing the word “wax” used in reference to my pits, I died on the inside a little. It wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear — not for my sake, nor the sake of middle-aged women everywhere. In this age of body positivity and self-care, is hair removal for women of our generation a conscientious choice, or just another female obligation we’ve grudgingly accepted?
Instead of waxing, I let it grow
At first, it was liberating, if not a little surprising (damn, my pit hair is thick!). I let my leg hair grow, too, and I was happy, relieved, and grateful knowing that I could have the gall to do this in my forties. And yet, when I wore a tank top or shorts, I felt super self-conscious. When we buck the status quo, that comes with the territory.
Still, I have to call out the women of our generation a bit — including myself: In my experience, for women our age, the choice to grow body hair is accepted on an intellectual level. “You do you,” said one of my friends at the table — but not without a hint of side-eye, judgment, and slightly indignant recoil. Many of us are still grossed out by it, aren’t we? A little dismissive? I say this because I’ve seen it in my friends, but also in myself.
Even as a person who barely shaves anymore — and who’s all for body positivity, gender fluidity, and inclusivity in the beauty industry — I’m still conditioned to see my body hair as unattractive. Too thick, too long, too masculine, too this, too that. As my ten-year-old daughter will tell you, I’m a total hippo (as in hypocrite).
And despite the way changing beauty standards and middle age have made me freer about not shaving, I’m not immune to judgment from my peers — or from myself.
Meet Ann Marie McQueen, founder of Hotflash inc
tiktok @hotflashinc • Substack • Instagram
I am a digital journalist, podcaster, and former national columnist who has split my career between North America and the Middle East. I have 30 years of experience in reporting, much of which is focused on science, health care, health, and wellness.
I’m also the founder of the global platform Hotflash inc, providing evidence, expert-, and experienced-based information, context, and strategy through Substack, a weekly podcast (just named the #2 podcast in Women’s Health by GoodPods) and all the social media, serving a fast-growing community of 50k people going through perimenopause, menopause, and midlife.
I was one of the first people in Canada to cover Facebook, the first newspaper-based bloggers, was on the launch team for Abu Dhabi’s first English newspaper, the first sustainability columnist in the Middle East, and the founding editor of Livehealthy, the first health and wellness platform for men and women in the Middle East in English and Arabic.
I’m in the midst of: Figuring out who I am …
… what I want to do and be, and where I want to live after a tumultuous perimenopause, trans-menopausal year, losing my father, and really finding myself — just trying to walk the line between grief and new beginnings.
The best thing about my current age, 54:
It’s one year older than the age my mother lived to be, 53. I was 27 years old when my mother died, and I never could really look past that age, which I’ve since learned is pretty common for people who’ve lost parents on the youngish side.
It was covered by Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper in the podcast All There Is, and that resonated with me deeply. I literally just saw a wall, and it affected every part of my life, including financial planning. Turning 54 and making it past that age has felt like a path being laid down before me. The best thing is that I can now see the rest of my life without thinking that it would possibly end prematurely. We never know, of course, but the mental wall is gone.
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GALs in your 50s, what’s your advice to women in your 40s?
That’s what we asked Midst readers on Threads …
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