Manifest your f#cking destiny
+ "Middle age is sexy now." — The New York Times
We already knew middle age was sexy, but …
… we’re glad to hear that midlife is having a sexy moment, as validated by The New York Times. I’ve noticed a culture shift, too — a shift that I’ll gladly accept. In movies and series ranging from Babygirl and A Family Affair (both starring Nicole Kidman) to The Morning Show (with Jennifer Aniston), popular culture is depicting the sex lives of 40- and 50-something women.
Let’s hope this moment continues. — Amy Cuevas Schroeder
Here’s a slice of the January 4 New York Times story by Alexis Soloski.
Historically, stories with an emphasis on straight sex and romance have centered women in the years of peak fertility, the years when men could presumably impregnate them. Romances are variations on the marriage plot. That plot’s presumed sequel? Babies. (What’s sexier than ensuring your genetic legacy?)
“We live in a patriarchy,” said Halina Reijn, director of Babygirl with Nicole Kidman, explaining the past absence of stories about women over 40. “Even though we think we are emancipated, we are still stuck in the idea that women are redundant after menopause.”
But in the past few years, the Overton window of desirability has begun to shift. And the curtains are very sheer. To extend stories of love and sex past the point of female fertility appears, on its poreless face, liberatory and more inclusive. It suggests that women in midlife are desirable and worthy of a narrative focus that Hollywood has typically denied.
“That was true for a long time, that women in their 40s and 50s and up were ignored and invisible,” Jean Twenge, a social psychologist and the author of “Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents — and What They Mean for America’s Future.” “It’s a good thing that era is ending or at least waning.”
A grown-ass lady’s guide to manifesting
“I now understand that my thinking is what creates my physical world. The thinking of today creates tomorrow. So, my physical world right now, in this moment, is the product of past thinking. When you really grasp this concept, it becomes life-changing. The control you have in your future starts right now with the control of your mind,” explains coach and best-selling author Kathleen Cameron in Becoming the One.
In her book, Cameron chronicles her profound shift from a burnt-out nurse to a high-powered coach whose purpose is to help others live out their soul’s desires. This excerpt calls out the practice of manifesting and its transformational role in her life.
Essentially, Cameron makes the case that becoming “the one” is less about uncovering earth-shattering truths about the universe, as framed in books like The Secret: It’s more about trusting in yourself and your ability to reach your goals.
Manifesting is more than wishful thinking
That’s in line with what Andie Hines-Lagemann tells her clients. Hines-Lagemann is an emotional intelligence practitioner and founder of Tidewater Coaching. She holds numerous certifications and recently completed a master’s degree in positive psychology. Manifesting, she says, comes out of this branch of science. It’s a goal-oriented and forward-thinking approach to moving forward. While therapy is focused on the past, EQ (emotional quotient or emotional intelligence) work can help take concepts or themes discussed in sessions and put them into motion.
“I always tell my clients that our brains are so dumb,” she says. “They believe whatever we tell them. But the wonderful thing is, we have so much control over our thoughts, even when we feel like we don’t. We all get through difficult times where we can kind of spiral a little bit and it gets hard to get back control. But our thoughts really do control our physiological responses.”
For instance, we’ve all had those moments when we’re stressed and we get a pit in our stomachs. Those are physical manifestations of distress. On the upside, we can rein in control and get on with what she refers to as “an upward spiral.” People on this trajectory are willing to put in the work, even if it’s going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant at times. They also lean on tools to help them bridge the gap.
Growth (mindset) begets growth
For example, Hines-Lagemann says engaging in a best future-self exercise can lead to increased optimism, resilience, and better quality of interpersonal relationships. And there’s even evidence that adopting such a practice can help with physical ailments. As Hines-Lagemann explains, some people have found that complaints like chronic tension headaches and back pain were resolved after changing their thinking.
This isn’t surprising, as manifesting is grounded in science — the mind-body connection. According to Hines-Lagemann, positive psychology fosters a growth mindset. People who buy into this way of thinking are more apt to put in the time to work on themselves and their goals. While those who are stuck in a fixed mindset tend to subscribe to the idea that they have little agency over their lives.
Manifesting, in Hines-Lagemann’s estimation, can be a tool used to expand any area of one’s life. “I think it’s completely up to you,” she says. “You see articles and even Instagram reels [about people who] didn’t become a movie star until they were in their 50s or didn’t start a huge corporation until they were in their 40s. I think putting any sort of limit on a manifestation is completely contrary to the whole point of manifesting. Manifesting is all about how big, crazy, beautiful, and perfectly you can dream it.”
Good intentions will only take you so far, however. Manifestation, combined with some goal-setting and action, is the only way to see meaningful change. That said, Hines-Lagemann recommends the following to guide a manifesting practice:
How to start a manifestation practice
Create a vision board: You can cut out photos and words from magazines that represent your goals. Having a physical reminder of your goals can serve as an anchor when you’re feeling discouraged or demotivated.
Seek out an accountability partner: Share your goal with a friend or business contact and ask them to check in with you regularly about your progress.
Practice visualization: Think of your best future self and what your life looks like. What kind of food are you eating? What kind of car are you driving? What do you do when you’re not pursuing your passion? And who are you doing it with? Go into as much detail as possible so you can create and strengthen neural pathways.
The takeaway: Your goals may be closer in reach if you marry dreaming about the future with follow-up. If that’s “woo,” then excuse me while I charge my crystal.
What do you want to manifest in 2025?
This article was originally published here on the-midst.com.
#HBDGAL January
January 1
Jane Doe (1987)
Nicole Miller, 72
Nanette Lepore, 60
Gia Coppola
January 2
Shelley Hennig (1987)
Christy Turlington (1969)
Karina Smirnoff (1978)
Tia Carrere (1967)
Maya Wiley, activist (1964)
January 3
Kimberley Locke (1978)
Danica McKellar (1975)
Katie McGrath (1983)
January 4
Charlyne Yi (1986)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus celebrates her 64th on January 13.
I think we've gone from a moment to a full-on movement- glad that popular culture finally seems to have gotten the memo!