Why it’s never too late for trauma therapy
No matter your age, identifying trauma and addressing the impact in your life is worth it, says this author
Trauma: the word alone can trigger a cascade of emotions. And if you’ve spent a lifetime pushing away the big and small traumas of your life, you might think it’s too late to deal with them at all.
Trauma left unchecked, however, can find its way into every area of your life, often without you even noticing it. Even when you’re a fully-fledged “grown-up”, trauma can contribute to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that make your life more difficult than it needs to be.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 52 or 82
If you’re under the influence of unresolved trauma, there could be a rogue 8-year-old controlling how you think, feel, and behave. There may have been 40-some or 50-some candles on your most recent birthday cake, but trauma from your childhood can keep you stuck in the past, causing you to act in much the same way as you did as a kid.
Trauma has reached ‘buzzword’ status
As “trauma” — the word and the concept — entered the mainstream lexicon, there is increased confusion about what trauma is, and, crucially, what it isn’t. Certainly there’s a real danger of labeling every unpleasant experience in your life as a traumatic event.
Trauma can refer to events that are life-threatening, and encompass physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. However, it can also refer to any event that is extremely distressing and causes you to experience emotional problems for a period of time, like a car accident or the sudden death of a loved one.
Really, what constitutes trauma is a deeply personal and individual thing and it may only be in later life that you begin to recognize it.
Still think it’s too late to find your way onto a therapist’s chair?
Research shows there’s real value in undergoing trauma therapy no matter your age. A study published published in 2020 found that therapy is just as beneficial for people in midlife as it is for other age groups.
What’s more, research that explored the benefits of reminiscence therapy (a therapy which, much like trauma therapy, involves taking stock of the past) found that it allows you to make sense of past events and improve the quality of the life you’re living now.
“There is something so beneficial about doing therapy later in life because you know yourself better; you can reassess the past and have a better perspective.”
— Olivia James
“Ideally, trauma therapy will help you achieve 'post-traumatic growth', which means getting to a point where you know this particular bad thing happened to you, but it no longer defines you; it doesn't comprise your entire identity,” says Olivia James, a Harley Street therapist trained in several trauma modalities.
In mid-life you may have already made up your mind up about who you are and who you want to be. You may have decided that who you are is set in stone and that it’s too late to change things. Actually, it’s this self-knowledge that can enhance your experience of trauma therapy.
“There is something so beneficial about doing therapy later in life because you know yourself better; you can reassess the past and have a better perspective,” Olivia points out.
You also have the benefit of distance. If a traumatizing event happened a long time ago you’ve likely had a lot of time to sit with those emotions and assess how the events of the past have shaped your life.
Don’t forget you still have so much living left to do too. They call it mid-life for a reason; you’re gearing up for your second half. Wouldn’t it be nice to move into this chapter unencumbered by old traumas?
This period of life often coincides with a whole lot of changes. It signals the start of menopause and might herald changes like your kids flying the nest, a promotion, or even divorce. You might find you need a little help navigating these transitions, so mid-life is actually a great time to try trauma therapy.
It’ll help you understand the past so you can navigate these transitions and more comfortably move into the future. Think of it as an opportunity to redefine yourself as you move into a new phase of life.
As a result of this trauma, I had fears and insecurities that had undermined my confidence and mental health in big and small ways. Gradually, I was able to work through these and let them go.
Trauma therapy helped me redefine my life
Having undergone trauma therapy myself at the age of 35, I can attest to these benefits. It was during a particularly tough therapy session that I reflected on a distressing event from my past that I had long since buried.
With the help of my therapist, I was able, for the first time, to actually recognize this event as traumatic, and understand how it had affected my mindset and actions for the guts of a decade.
After hashing everything out with my therapist over the course of several week, I was able to decide what I wanted the next chapter of my life to look like.
As a result of this trauma, I had fears and insecurities that had undermined my confidence and mental health in big and small ways. Gradually, I was able to work through these and let them go.
The value of therapy matters more than your age
In Olivia’s opinion, age when you enter therapy isn’t important — what matters is recognizing when trauma therapy is needed. She says if you feel that your life is limited because of your symptoms, it’s a dead giveaway that trauma therapy will be beneficial for you.
“If you have specific reactions or triggers to certain stimuli and you understand them at a rational level, but you still can’t help feeling triggered, that’s a sign [that trauma therapy could prove helpful],” she says.
Other signs include having nightmares or flashbacks, or feeling incredibly unsafe in situations where, rationally, you know you should feel safe.
“Many people conclude that ‘something is wrong with me’ when they've had trauma. But after trauma therapy, it's more like, ‘This happened, and it was wrong. I didn't deserve it’, and ‘My responses are understandable in the context of what I've been through.” — Olivia James
The unexpected grief of doing therapy later in life
Perhaps all of this has convinced you once and for all that it’s time to unpack your traumas. One emotion you may not expect to feel when going for trauma therapy later in life is regret. You might find yourself asking “Why didn’t I do this sooner?!”.
That’s a normal and natural response, but there are reasons why waiting is beneficial
Perhaps you simply weren’t ready before.
You might not have had the spare time or the mental bandwidth to do the work intensive therapy requires.
You were not ready at a younger age to face up to your traumas emotionally.
Perhaps you’re only realizing now in your 40s and 50s that what you experienced could be classed as a trauma.
Replacing that feeling of regret with a feeling of gratitude for the mental health benefits you can experience now and remembering that it’s “better late than never” can be incredibly helpful.
“One benefit that people can expect is more compassion for themselves. And a lessening of the uncomfortable reactions they may experience physically and psychologically,” Olivia says. These benefits are of value no matter how young or old you are.
“Many people conclude that ‘something is wrong with me’ when they've had trauma,” Olivia adds. “But after trauma therapy, it's more like, ‘This happened, and it was wrong. I didn't deserve it’, and ‘My responses are understandable in the context of what I've been through,’” she says.
When you understand your responses, you can begin to replace them with healthier, more productive ones and you can take pride in the fact that you’re re-writing your own script.
“Ultimately, it's never too late to find the right help. You can make a lot of progress, and sometimes trauma can be treated quickly,” Olivia says.
Whether unpacking your traumas takes a little time or a long time, the important thing is that you’re getting the support you need now. And you should congratulate yourself for taking that vital first step.
This article represents the opinion and experience of the author, Victoria Stokes. The Midst is a collective of independent voices.
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Victoria Stokes is an Irish mental health and wellbeing writer with a decade of experience in online and print media. She regularly contributes to publications such as Happiful, Health & Wellbeing, and Healthline. A former magazine editor, she now works freelance — a role that involves ingesting far too much caffeine while juggling many writing projects. When she’s not working on her next story, you’ll usually find her with her nose in a good book.
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